What do you want to be?

3-19-2014 - 'You cannot back into the future.' - Frank Herbert, 'Dune'

What do you want to be?

Start any rotation, meet any medical student, or show up to any family gathering, and this question will show up. Some folks brush it off with a non-committal, 'I'm still figuring it out,' or my personal favorite, 'a doctor!' (laughter ensues and the issue is eventually dropped). Others know, med 1, day 1, 'pediatric orthopedic surgery focusing on right leg correction.' 

At this stage in training, specialty selection and the match loom large over our decisions and motivations. But our training is only going to last 3-8 years. The rest of our lives will be dedicated (for most folks) to our chosen career. What I've become more interested in is the kind of physician I'm going to become. I don't mean my field inpatient versus outpatient, but what else I'll find satisfaction in. 

When asked, most attendings will not start with, 'the diagnosis and management of (enter sub-specialty here) patients.' Many find their research most rewarding. Others truly enjoy teaching. Most at some point say the relationships they form with their patients. Some have particular projects like free clinics or medical education curriculum design they're particularly invested in. Their clinical responsibilities, whether they enjoy them or not, are always going to be there. Rather, much of their satisfaction stems from these 'other' things.

I guess the question doesn't come down to 'what do you want to be,' but 'who do you want to be?' In some ways, it is even more daunting than the match. The good news is that there isn't any deadlines or competitive application processes (for the most part). And you've got a lot more time and flexibility to figure it out. 

So who am I going to be? I don't know! I enjoy teaching, and I look forward to being able to teach with authority and weight of experience. I find a lot of satisfaction in managing people and organizing events. You get a sense of satisfaction with a tangible result. In particular, working with the Noor Community Clinic, and seeing how a small group of determined professionals can impact so many people gave me confidence that I will be able to balance my career with these ancillary pursuits.

The one thing I do know is to keep an open mind and experience different opportunities as they come about. Everything is still new and exciting and the possibilities endless. 

Whether you imagine yourself giving the keynote at the annual AMA convention, receiving a professor of the year award, or walking the halls of the hospital you are CMO of, keep these dreams alive. 

Who do you want to be?